No More Sorry, No Regret

It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

~ Elton John & Bernie Taupin

Did I confuse you with these introductory lyrics? Were you expecting, maybe, Billy Joel? Billy has the day off today. Don’t be too disappointed, though. As you can see, his tour-mate, Sir Elton John, has kindly agreed to partner with me in Billy’s stead to help me capture the essence of today’s post.

You see, while this week we’re talking about making No Apologies – and Pam gave us an exhaustive list of things we for which we should never apologize – I have to admit I’m a big fan of the Sorry. I’m a huge proponent of apologies when someone has done something wrong. I’ve trained countless customer service people to start with “I’m sorry” when dealing with an irate customer, the kind of sorry that simply means no matter what caused you grief, I’m just sorry that you are experiencing frustration. Heck, I’m the Mom of two little people! “Tell him (her?) you’re sorry!” is part of my hourly existence!

Apologizing for who we are or for the way we engage with the world, of course, is an error so many of us struggle with. We’re often made to feel as if we should apologize when in fact we should be our own strongest advocates, when we should be shouting our uniqueness to the hills! (Not sure why the hills would care, but it sounds good, right?)

One might assume we regret these Halloween costumes from 2001. One would be wrong. But here's the kicker... WHAT WERE WE??? (I challenge you to guess...)

But did you know that Sorry has a twin? Oh yes, an insidious, evil twin that lurks in Sorry’s shadow: her name is Regret. Sorry truly is one of the hardest words to say, but Regret follows in Sorry’s path with slithery grace and ease. In fact, Regret can find her way into your heart even when Sorry hasn’t managed to claw her way out of your mouth.

Think about it for a minute. Regret is kind of like an inward-turned Sorry. If you have wronged another person, for instance, whether or not you have apologized you likely feel Regret. Close your eyes and imagine that feeling. That Regret. In essence, Regret happens when the part of you that decided to do the Regretful deed apologizes to your conscience. Over and over. And over.  It’s an in-your-gut ache, isn’t it?

Here’s the key with Regret: almost 100% of the time, Regret doesn’t accomplish anything. Regret doesn’t turn the clock back. Regret doesn’t right the wrong. Regret just aches and festers.

I decided about 15 years ago that I was going to do away with Regret in my life. I was banishing her for good. It wasn’t easy. But there are two tenets I follow:

•        Don’t do anything I will Regret. (I hear you LOLing. I will not SMH but rather will continue…) Seriously, this one decision has helped me make very deliberate decisions and to ensure I have the confidence to stick by them. Do I take longer to actually make a decision than I used to? Not really. I’m one of those annoying people who makes a decision quickly – way too quickly for my husband’s liking in so many cases. Poor guy. But by making the conscious decision to avoid Regret, I’ve committed myself to make decisions and take actions that will not cause me to Regret.
• 
  
•        Don’t allow Regret entrée into my heart. When something happens that would typically be Regret-Full, and when I start to feel a bit Regret-Esque, I try to remind myself that feeling Regret will do nothing but make me feel terrible. Which will lead to an irresistible desire to eat an entire pan of brownies while watching an endless loop of “Steel Magnolias.” At that point, I have two choices: become heartless (not an option) or take action. You’d be amazed at how quickly Regret flees when you take action. Do you Regret doing something negative to another person? Go make it better. Do you Regret something you did long ago, too long ago for a simply make-good? Do something today to improve the life (or even just the day!) of someone else. Do you Regret something huge like having so much when so many have so little… well, that’s an easy one, but I’ll let you figure it out.

The key here is to Stop Regret. No More Inward, Useless Sorrys. Be. Do. Act.

The almost-not-quite-irony of this post is that last week I wrote a post on my personal blog reminding people that there is no statute of limitations for I’m Sorry. But let’s be clear: that kind of Sorry is an outward Sorry, not a Regret. There is a difference.

Just let me out of here
Before that sentimental music starts
And your regrets
Fall like empty lines
Like the lies we write on Valentines

No Valentine

~ Elton John & Bernie Taupin

By the way, if Sir Elton John and Billy Joel ever do agree to tour again, go see them. Fabulous concert. You won’t Regret it.

P.S. Tell me… am I the only one who saw Pam’s photo in yesterday’s post and, before learning that she was in a porthole, wondered where she found such a gigantic washing machine?

Author: Megan Stanish
Website: http://aboutthesame.blogspot.com
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Twitter: http://twitter.com/megstanish