There's No "I" in Team but There is in Win!

This often used quote by Michael Jordan speaks to the selflessness of belonging – not being afraid to ask for help when you need it, being there for others when they need you. It makes complete sense to see this as a win. How do we build a winning team? It’s simple, ask!

Megan spoke to this in her blog on Tuesday, don’t ignore the new officemate or parent at the pool who sits just on the outskirts of the action, reach out and ask him or her to join you. Build your tribe as Pam referenced in her post on Monday.

There is a part of me that feels a bit like a hypocrite telling you to go out and build your team when it took 35+ years for me to even consider building mine. Not that I didn’t want to be part of something greater, I did. I wanted to step in from the outer edge of the action and join the dance. I wanted a team desperately and didn’t bother to notice that I already had one. It is the sad but true nature of codependency. Codependents throw their entire selves into care giving and forget about their identities, and any existence other than their own. It’s not selfish nor is it selfless; it’s this bizarre limbo that leaves you hanging alone by a tenuous thread in between.

The realization came for me not after my second marriage, but when my daughter was born. I discovered that if I was going to be a success as a mother, I was going to have to have other moms on my team. Not only for the support we give each other through play dates, but when we call each other to scream, cry or celebrate the little joys that come with the growth of our children.

When my third marriage (yep, I said third) came to a close it was my friends and family who were here with wine, food, and extra hands to help. Each of them in his or her own way showed me what it meant to be a true friend and true to oneself. This team of wonderful people also helped me see the walls of codependency surrounding me and helped break them down. Then, they donned the stilettos and helped me stomp away the idea that it has to be this way. These are the accepting folks who I could honestly say this about:

"A good friend will come bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying...'Damn, that was fun!'"

They remind me that survival is key, not only in life, but in love, and that you can't make it alone. You have to do it as a team.

So, when you need your team to join you for a little line-dancing and a good cover song trust they will be there to give you the courage to stand up and dance, and if they don’t come right out and offer, then my friend, don’t be afraid or ashamed to just ask.

Perspective by Lindy Chaffin Start

www.unstoppablestart.com

http://unstoppablestart.blogspot.com

Thank you for visiting us here today at WritersLi.P.P. Be sure to check back on Friday for more Life in Penned Perspective. Remember to comment every day for a chance to win the exclusive WritersLi.P.P. t-shirt in our drawing next Sunday at midnight. Follow this blog for another chance to win. Shamelss marketing for Wednesday - If you like what you read, pass it on!

Resurrecting the Goddess in Me

Pam, my brilliant partner here at WritersLi.P.P. posted the Gods/Goddesses Quiz on Monday which tickled me in terms of me and my alleged goddess. Apparently, I am most like Hera - "The Greek goddess Hera was a powerful queen long before her marriage to Zeus, the mighty king of the Olympian gods. She ruled over the heavens and the earth and was responsible for every aspect of the environment, including the seasons and the weather." After these last few days in Georgia, I would love to "rule the weather."

Do you ever look in the mirror and wish you could be a goddess? Recall the Aphrodite archetype. Envision her perched on a mound of pillows sucking grapes from a vine held fervently by a scantily clad servant man, her moist skin quivering under the breeze generated by the broad-leaf fan wielded by yet another. That’s an idea I can get behind, or in front of in this case. However, as we exist in a time when men and women happily co-exist and men still seem to find themselves “on top” of the pillows it’s hard to fully realize this goddess. So, I have identified one, well, I can identify with.

Get off! These pillows are mine!

Pleasure is my goddess! That’s what I said – pleasure. Across cultures her name takes many forms - Bast (Egyptian), Hedone (Greek), Bidhgoe (Celtic), and Ichpuchtli (Aztec). This is present day reality! I may not be able to have the servant men taking care of my every want and need, but friends, I'm taking back my pillows! To wrap our heads around this, let’s examine the senses:

Taste. I love this particular sense because it can incite enormous amounts of my pleasure goddess. The fresh taste of a crisp cucumber straight out of the garden. The salty sweat you lick from your lips after a successful workout. All of the sweet and savory flavors life offers can be found in taste. I’m a foodie so on a whim I might want to savor something in particular. That’s when my creativity, or passion, begins to emerge. My goddess of pleasure finds me and together we craft a delicious dish.

Smell. This one is an attention-getter. Imagine being on the cross trainer at the gym. You’re endorphins haven’t quite mounted against the pain you are feeling in your thighs and back. The music you chose for your workout makes you want to cry out in dissatisfaction until a man walks past. You’re body is realizing entirely too much chaos to notice his appearance but his cologne captivates you. The perfect blend of skin and musk you can’t help but wonder who is taunting you with this scent. Your mind races with sexy ideas of what it might be like to get close to his warm, damp skin after his workout; to feel his breath on your neck. You take a deep breath and find that your pain is gone and the music has improved. Ah, pleasure.

Touch. This one I should probably save until last but you deserve a little tease. I love the feel of anything that brings me closer to my goddess on the tips of my fingers. They are very sensitive after all and deserve only the finest sensations. One of my passions is painting so feeling cool, colorful paint glide across paper, or any medium, guided eagerly by my fingertips yields pleasure. Stroking the skin of a lover, feeling tense muscles and warm, damp skin probably elicits more pleasure in me than him, to the point of addiction. Wait! We are talking about pleasure, right?

Sight. The vision of a lovely garden, children playing, the perfect meal spread on an ornate cloth, tight muscles, the sun reflecting off the water; all of these things encourage imagination. They inspire my goddess who in turn inspires me.

Sound. The funniest of sounds to me is the sharp trill of a cow bird. It reminds me of how something seemingly unattractive (plain black bird with a brown head) can create something unique and beautiful. The deep belly laugh of a man in love, the high-pitched giggle of a little girl, or how the ocean crashes against the shore taking on the notion of breaking glass all inspire creativity and therefore pleasure.

Opening my mind, body and soul to these senses, allowing myself to experience life around me sparks inspiration and the goddess Pleasure joins me for a while on my reclaimed pillows. 

*****

Do you have a goddess or muse? Can your senses inspire passion or creativity in you? Comment for the chance to win the hot, not-available-in-stores WritersLi.P.P. t-shirt.

Friday Show and Tell

PAM (Dacula, GA)

I faced some unexpected challenges yesterday, so I am going to be extra kind to myself today and fill the hours with things that bring me comfort and joy. No cleaning or laundry today or grocery shopping or errands. I'll be writing and baking and eating and knitting and beading.

And looking forward to wearing my new shoes tomorrow.

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LINDY (Decatur, GA)

To the outside observer this may look like a piece of wood. In fact, it is a piece of 1/8" subfloor I reclaimed from the neighrbor's garbage. No, I don't have a sag in my living room floor that is sqeaking and needs repair. To me, the 4' wide by 3' high piece of subfloor looked more like a blank canvas. In the next few days I will begin  to transform it into a masterpiece.

Until then, I can't wait to wear my new t-shirt and see lots of good friends tomorrow at Georgia Romance Writers monthly meeting.

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Have a great weekend, everybody! And remember to check back on Monday for more wit and wisdom from Writers Li.P.P.!

Towanda!

The Actresses of
Fried Green Tomatoes
L to R: Mary Louise Parker,
Mary Stewart Masterson,
Kathy Bates and the late Jessica Tandy.

If you’ve spent any time at all in the South, you support GLBT affairs, live in or around Juliette, Georgia, read Fannie Flagg or for that matter watch movies, then you are probably quite familiar with the term – Towanda! Who knew one screwball word like that could become the battle cry for the fearless.

Well friends, I say to you, “Towanda!”

"I hear they've got an assertive training class for southern women. Of course that's a contradiction in terms." - Missy in Fried Green Tomatoes

The amazing and talented Pam Asberry and I launched WritersLi.P.P. this week (This is meant to be your introduction to my half of the partnership. Oh boy!). To that I say, “Towanda!”

I’m 39 years old and more aware of who I am and what I want out of life than I EVER have been. “Towanda!”

I’m in the middle of a divorce, raising a three year old, and made the decision to risk a lot in order to ensure she gets through this transition with her mom close by. “Towanda!”

There are many passions in my life not the least of which is writing. I am a writer and reader, chef and gardener, painter and singer, and have proven to be a really big flirt who embraces her sexuality. “Towanda!”

"I can't even look at my own vagina!" - Evelyn Couch (Kathy Bates)

To me it doesn’t matter what you believe or how strongly you believe it. If your opinion differs from mine, I will welcome yours with open arms and respect you for offering it. The best part is that I will still love and admire you and happily coexist despite our differences. “Towanda!”

The South is my home. I was born in Macon, Georgia and have lived from Macon to Decatur and many places in between and beyond. I have the right to take my place as a Daughter of the Confederacy because my “greats” fought in a war a long time ago that I had nothing to do with. I might not approve but I embrace my history. “Towanda!”

I have friends who range in age from twenty-six to ninety-six and in nationality from American mutt to Canadian to Persian – I love each of them equally. “Towanda!”

This laundry list might be off-putting to some. I’m okay with that. I’m not looking for anyone’s approval. My dream is to get to know you and be part of how you embrace who you’ve become and stand with you with sledge-hammer in hand as you yell at the top of your breathless lungs, “Towanda!”

Enough about me; join the conversation. What inspires you to yell “Towanda”? What would hold you back? What draws you into a blog about love and life written by two writers?

Thanks to Fanny Flagg and Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Café for such an amazing story and the fearlessness that should inspire us all.

"It's all right, honey. Let her go. Let her go. You know, Miss Ruth was a lady. And a lady always knows when to leave." - Sipsey (Cicely Tyson)