Wrap Yourself This Christmas!

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said that “the greatest gift is a portion of thyself.”

Yes, I love to craft and create. It has always been my gift to close family and friends to make their gifts at Christmas. The year Red was born I made Christmas ornaments. Small glass balls adorned with a snowman that was built from her tiny footprint. Cute, huh? The next year I made clocks out of wooden plaques with our family’s memories from that year captured in photographs on the face. Pretty cool. The next year it was a wreath made of jingle boughs decorated with small photo frames that captured our memories from the year. Fun. This year I am recycling. I can’t tell you because you just might be getting one, but know it will be recycled and handmade and Red and I hope you like it.

I agree with Pam that more often than not our friends and loved ones wish to have something special under the tree to open. I, in fact, am guilty of this very infraction. So much so that I gave my mother $100 and asked her to take my little girl shopping for the gifts on my wish list. Sad. True. Okay, so that has more to do with creating tradition and teaching a little red-headed princess how to think about someone other than herself at Christmastime, but equally as selfish is my wish for a small gift or two to open on Christmas morning. In all honesty I don’t need anything, but I wish beyond wishes for that small acknowledgement that I exist. Which brings me to the greatest gift of all – friendship.

Aside from the crafty-handmade gifts and the little tokens wrapped underneath my tree I want to give myself and my friends the greatest gift – each other. I plan to open my home to family and friends for one night steeped in frivolous fun – a re-gifters gift exchange, a covered dish, some hot cider, a carol or two, maybe even a viewing of Rudolf or the first Miracle on 34^th Street. No matter what we do, just being together is what counts.

This year would have been impossible to bear without the love and support of our friends so now is the time for me to pay it back, or pay it forward, depending on your perspective. Won’t you join me?

What will you do this season to make it bright on a budget? 

Decadent Pleasures: The Joy of Self Indulgence May Surprise You

Self indulgent things that make you happy, otherwise known as decadent pleasures are what bring our lives peace, oft meaning, and teach us to appreciate solitude. Like Megan, the days of hot, candlelit baths with wine and a good book are long gone, but I don’t see that as a bad thing. In all honesty there was never really a day I could sit still in a tub, with or without companionship. And desserts, sure, they can be decadent and pleasurable, but in the end they are only different manipulations of sugar and caffeine no matter the vehicle. Sex can be self indulgent and make you happy but that’s another post for another day and certainly not to be posted on a PG blog. Are you laughing? I hope so.

Friends, the closest I can get to something self indulgent that makes me happy are these:

1)      A nap with my little girl should she ever decide to close her eyes in the afternoon. The obvious lack of a constant stream of “Mommy. Mommy. Mommy? Mommy!” can be pure bliss. Couple that with actual rest next to someone who you love and who loves you without condition, and well, that’s just pure happy.

2)      A home cooked meal that I make myself for the two of us or friends is always a joy. I love stretching my culinary wings and trying new combinations of flavors and textures that lead to the excited sounds of happy. After all, food is joy. Surprisingly, cooking is how I decompress.

      Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all.

      - Harriet Van Horne

3)      An hour or two surrounded by good friends, laughing heartily, sharing openly of themselves is like religion; you devote yourself to its pursuit and find your life filled with incomprehensible meaning (you’ll see me quoted on that someday).

4)      But I have to tell you that my latest decadent pleasure, please don’t laugh, is reclaiming my space. I spent all day Saturday and most of the day Sunday cleaning out my basement. I emptied the crawl space, organized tools, created a space for Red to play, one for crafting, another for sitting and watching a movie. I carried memories of my past life to the curb after setting aside a box of pictures and memorabilia for Red. At the close of the weekend I had a carport full of junk to be hauled off, a curb cluttered with more for the refuse engineers, and a basement that I am proud to call my (our) own. Ah, happy.

I’ll give you three guesses how I celebrated and it wasn't a hot bath. Ha! What is the self indulgent thing that makes you happy? Does it involve hard work or relaxation? How about recreating yourself? Tell me. I dare you. And you don’t even have to keep it PG.

Life in Penned Perspective by Lindy Chaffin Start

www.unstoppablestart.com

There's No "I" in Team but There is in Win!

This often used quote by Michael Jordan speaks to the selflessness of belonging – not being afraid to ask for help when you need it, being there for others when they need you. It makes complete sense to see this as a win. How do we build a winning team? It’s simple, ask!

Megan spoke to this in her blog on Tuesday, don’t ignore the new officemate or parent at the pool who sits just on the outskirts of the action, reach out and ask him or her to join you. Build your tribe as Pam referenced in her post on Monday.

There is a part of me that feels a bit like a hypocrite telling you to go out and build your team when it took 35+ years for me to even consider building mine. Not that I didn’t want to be part of something greater, I did. I wanted to step in from the outer edge of the action and join the dance. I wanted a team desperately and didn’t bother to notice that I already had one. It is the sad but true nature of codependency. Codependents throw their entire selves into care giving and forget about their identities, and any existence other than their own. It’s not selfish nor is it selfless; it’s this bizarre limbo that leaves you hanging alone by a tenuous thread in between.

The realization came for me not after my second marriage, but when my daughter was born. I discovered that if I was going to be a success as a mother, I was going to have to have other moms on my team. Not only for the support we give each other through play dates, but when we call each other to scream, cry or celebrate the little joys that come with the growth of our children.

When my third marriage (yep, I said third) came to a close it was my friends and family who were here with wine, food, and extra hands to help. Each of them in his or her own way showed me what it meant to be a true friend and true to oneself. This team of wonderful people also helped me see the walls of codependency surrounding me and helped break them down. Then, they donned the stilettos and helped me stomp away the idea that it has to be this way. These are the accepting folks who I could honestly say this about:

"A good friend will come bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying...'Damn, that was fun!'"

They remind me that survival is key, not only in life, but in love, and that you can't make it alone. You have to do it as a team.

So, when you need your team to join you for a little line-dancing and a good cover song trust they will be there to give you the courage to stand up and dance, and if they don’t come right out and offer, then my friend, don’t be afraid or ashamed to just ask.

Perspective by Lindy Chaffin Start

www.unstoppablestart.com

http://unstoppablestart.blogspot.com

Thank you for visiting us here today at WritersLi.P.P. Be sure to check back on Friday for more Life in Penned Perspective. Remember to comment every day for a chance to win the exclusive WritersLi.P.P. t-shirt in our drawing next Sunday at midnight. Follow this blog for another chance to win. Shamelss marketing for Wednesday - If you like what you read, pass it on!

Teams: Finally Not The Last One Chosen

“I am a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn't have the heart to let him down...”
~ Abraham Lincoln

I find it pretty perfect that my inaugural post has to do with building a support team. You see, throughout my life, I’ve always considered myself timid and just left of introverted, a bit of a loner with a few tight friends. I’m the girl at the party who’s not right in the mix of things… not over in a corner, but sort of on the edge of the action observing and enjoying from a slight distance. I’m the one who, back in elementary school, wasn’t either liked or disliked really but definitely was one of the last chosen for kickball or dodgeball. I’m not an uber-confident go-getter, not the kind of professional phenom who can work a room and network like a goddess-on-parquet-flooring.  

And yet, in recent years, just about every major event along my twisty career path has happened due to some amazing people who have come into my life through work, people who have put themselves out there to support me in whatever crazy thing I wanted or needed to do. So I guess that means that somewhere along the way I stopped just observing, stopped waiting to be picked and started simply being “part of,” and I didn’t even know it.

Let me take a step back and introduce myself. I’m the Megan part of Li.P.P. Clearly, I’m a latecomer, as my initial didn’t make the acronym. Either that or Li.M.P. was voted down as not quite as appealing as Li.P.P. You decide which version of that story you prefer.

I’m a working mother of two tiny people who have both the audacity and the grace to have minds of their own. My husband is a very patient person, which allows me to let my spirit be a little freer than it might be otherwise, though my husband probably wishes I would focus some of that spirit more regularly toward dusting or vacuuming. He flat out believes that I am insane when it comes to my love of running; his theory is that one should run after something, not aimlessly or just because you can.

When it comes to building a support team, people who can rally around each other and be there for each other, my husband has the personality to be successful, not I. He’s the one who gravitates to the man or woman at a get-together who seems least at ease, and he makes it his mission to make that person feel comfortable, included and special. This is not my forté.

However, somewhere along the way, I must have done something right – earned a Karmic merit badge of some kind – that led fate to put amazing people in my path.

·         The one who called me patiently and consistently during the eight doomed months I attempted in vain to be an at-home mother (at-home mothers deserve medals and annuities and free daily massages and nightly doses of wine and a continuous infusion of chocolate, courtesy of us all, no joke) to encourage me to come work with him and his team.

·         The one who helped me find focus and the ones who sent incredible application statements on my behalf when I started to pursue teaching.*

·         The one who kept me sane and on solid ground during some dark hours in a job that finally beat me, something that I didn’t think could happen.

·         The ones who to this day tell me that I’m valued and valuable – both at work and in life – at the most random and perfect and critical times.

There are so many “the ones” stories that I could share. Of all of this, I hope you get two important takeaways:

·         First, take a moment and consider who your professional support team is. Have them in your head? Now how about your friends? Alrighty then, ready? Now squish them together into a big jumble. THAT, my friends, is your true professional support system. Of course, this is way oversimplified. The point I’m trying to make is that most of the times I’ve leaned on this professional support team of mine, everyone I’ve called upon has also lived in my mental realm of “friend.” It’s possible – these days almost probable – that these groups in your life overlap. Sure, there are situations that require boundaries, but don’t box yourself in too much. Allow your friends to support you with work stuff, and show them support back. Show interest in what they do for a living and let them learn something about what you do. Same with workmates. Where appropriate – do I have to post links to what I mean by this, or may I trust us to be adults? – open up and be the real you, not just You-In-Your-Job. The friends you make at work may turn out to be your friends for a very long time, perhaps even long after you are no longer workmates.

·         Second, and this is most important so listen up… ready?... when you see the new kid at work standing off in the corner observing the goings-on, the one who possibly is too timid still to get into the action, be sure to pick her for your kickball team. And not last. It’ll pay off, I promise.

"I get by with a little help from my friends."
~ The Beatles

Author: Megan Stanish

http://aboutthesame.blogspot.com

* It’s a long story, but I halted the Master’s in Teaching program after my first semester, even though I loved it and earned straight As. Long story for another time, but suffice it to say this is still an ardent dream of mine.

*****

Thank you for visiting us here today at Writers Li.P.P. Be sure to check back tomorrow for Lindy’s insights! And remember to comment every day for a chance to win an exclusive Writers Li.P.P. t-shirt in our drawing next Sunday at midnight. Follow this blog for another chance to win.