Pretty Awesome New Stuff – Bad and Good

My friend, Pam Asberry is all too inspiring and her post on Monday about awesome new things she has tried brought me to shameful tears. You see, this year hasn’t been about trying new things for me; it has been more about shedding the old:

• Cleaning out closets
• Hosting a yard sale
• Taking a break from everything I aspire to be to search for a job
• Letting go of a relationship I thought was forever

And what awesome new thing did I get? A little piece of paper, signed by a judge, that states I am once again…single.

But wait! I don’t want to weigh you down with a bunch of poor, pitiful me sob story stuff. If you’ve read anything I’ve ever written you know that’s not at all what I’m about. Let’s take another look at the bullet points above:

• Yes, I cleaned out my closets. I discovered half of my clothes were either too small or too big so guess what I did. I bought new ones. One of my favorite new outfits I found at Macy’s. Hot, right?

• Okay, so what. I hosted a yard sale. Big deal! I made enough money to re-do my little girl’s room. It’s very pretty and purple now. She no longer resides in a guest room disguised as a kid’s room. She now has her very own space complete with a newly painted night stand and stars and “jewels” on the walls.

Red's New Room

• Yeah, yeah. This is where it gets hard. I took a break from everything I aspire to be to look for a job. Listen, it only sounds bad. My passions (writing, cooking, painting) got put on the back burner one more time in my life but in their place I got to take classes on InDesign and Illustrator and learned some cool new tricks of a new awesome trade. I’ve been doing freelance graphic design ever since. So there is still the ginormous void of an actual job but I know its coming. Living in faith, I know, like I know, like I know. So, now is the time for me to reconnect with my passions while I still have some free time and let God take care of the rest.

• Letting go of that relationship was probably the most devastating, but in the process I connected with old friends and new, especially the girls, like Karen, Zoe, Pam, Megan, Marjorie and a list of others who must forgive me as I only have so much space in one blog post, BUT you know who you are and you know I love each of you so much it hurts.  And lest we not forget the boys like Mark, Bryan and Michael who have been like little beacons of hope for me that good, honest men do still exist.

You see, my pretty awesome new things are the things I had been lacking all along. The gumption to get rid of the old and start looking for the new. The knowledge that space is very personal. The ability to learn and grow. And, the courage to admit when something just wasn’t working.  

Yes, in 2011, I shed the old but look at all the awesome new things, and people, I discovered in the process.

Life in Penned Perspective by Lindy Chaffin Start

www.unstoppablestart.com

Friday Show and Tell

Pam Asberry * Dacula, GA

Do you ever feel this way?

The coffee mug says it all.

*****

Lindy Chaffin Start * Decatur, GA

Emerge Unstoppable!

After ten months of struggling through the pain of divorce, I still did...
EMERGE UNSTOPPABLE in 2011!

A Pondering on Perfection…

The very best thing I’ve read in the last few days truly made me think on the topic of perfectionism. This is a point made by Sarah Ban Breathnach in her book, Simple Abundance - A Daybook of Comfort and Joy. She points out, “Upon completing the Universe, the Great Creator pronounced it ‘very good.’ Not ‘perfect.’”

Life is rarely perfect therefore we will never achieve perfection. Sounds fair. And, who would want to? What fun would life be if we all achieved our goals the minute we set out to? I figure we’d all be left standing around until one of us screamed, “What’s next?”

Pam’s post on Time Management this past Monday drove this point home to me. In there she asks, “Are you fully engaged in the one or two pursuits that bring you sheer delight? Would you be happy doing nothing but what you are doing for the rest of your life?

Funny thing about it is, when you are doing what you love, there is no need for perfection. Uh oh. What did I just say? Seriously. Look at it this way - yes, manuscripts have to be as perfect as perfect gets. Hello, that’s what editors and proofers are for. Work can be flawed, but people must still be served, events must still take place, the daily grind must still go on. Here’s my question, would you rather be sitting on the couch writing surrounded by poignant reminders that you have an active family (aka. a messy living room) or would you rather be expelling all of your energy perfecting your living room in a blind effort to make a peaceful space to work? If you spend your time cleaning to find the perfect space, then what do you do when the kids get home from school and want their fair share of quality time with you? After dinner, as everyone bathes and dons PJs, will you find time to write like you had planned earlier in the day? Can you forgive yourself and try again tomorrow? Sure you can. BUT, will tomorrow look like today?

© Aje | Dreamstime.com

It doesn’t take long to see the same pattern we all face. Lisa Bloom speaks about this in her book, THINK: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World. Find the time that you need to do the things that fulfill you. Let the kids take part in the cleaning and, in my humble opinion, do it before bed so you can have a semi-clean house when they leave for school. When they get home, allow them an hour of “free time” to do what they want in their space. This will allow you an extra hour to do what you want. Try it.

Stop looking for perfection. Find balance.

Until Friday Show and Tell this is Life in Penned Perspective by Lindy Chaffin Start.

www.unstoppablestart.com

Decadent Pleasures: The Joy of Self Indulgence May Surprise You

Self indulgent things that make you happy, otherwise known as decadent pleasures are what bring our lives peace, oft meaning, and teach us to appreciate solitude. Like Megan, the days of hot, candlelit baths with wine and a good book are long gone, but I don’t see that as a bad thing. In all honesty there was never really a day I could sit still in a tub, with or without companionship. And desserts, sure, they can be decadent and pleasurable, but in the end they are only different manipulations of sugar and caffeine no matter the vehicle. Sex can be self indulgent and make you happy but that’s another post for another day and certainly not to be posted on a PG blog. Are you laughing? I hope so.

Friends, the closest I can get to something self indulgent that makes me happy are these:

1)      A nap with my little girl should she ever decide to close her eyes in the afternoon. The obvious lack of a constant stream of “Mommy. Mommy. Mommy? Mommy!” can be pure bliss. Couple that with actual rest next to someone who you love and who loves you without condition, and well, that’s just pure happy.

2)      A home cooked meal that I make myself for the two of us or friends is always a joy. I love stretching my culinary wings and trying new combinations of flavors and textures that lead to the excited sounds of happy. After all, food is joy. Surprisingly, cooking is how I decompress.

      Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all.

      - Harriet Van Horne

3)      An hour or two surrounded by good friends, laughing heartily, sharing openly of themselves is like religion; you devote yourself to its pursuit and find your life filled with incomprehensible meaning (you’ll see me quoted on that someday).

4)      But I have to tell you that my latest decadent pleasure, please don’t laugh, is reclaiming my space. I spent all day Saturday and most of the day Sunday cleaning out my basement. I emptied the crawl space, organized tools, created a space for Red to play, one for crafting, another for sitting and watching a movie. I carried memories of my past life to the curb after setting aside a box of pictures and memorabilia for Red. At the close of the weekend I had a carport full of junk to be hauled off, a curb cluttered with more for the refuse engineers, and a basement that I am proud to call my (our) own. Ah, happy.

I’ll give you three guesses how I celebrated and it wasn't a hot bath. Ha! What is the self indulgent thing that makes you happy? Does it involve hard work or relaxation? How about recreating yourself? Tell me. I dare you. And you don’t even have to keep it PG.

Life in Penned Perspective by Lindy Chaffin Start

www.unstoppablestart.com

I’m Sorry *shrug* It's Who I Am. No Apologies!

To walk a mile in
another's shoes...

When I was in my early teens my dad had me take the Myers-Briggs type assessment. In all honesty I don’t recall why, at such a young age, he wanted me to assess myself in this way, but I recall vividly that I was a high “F”. Though I was something akin to an INFJ, the range probably pegged “feeling” as my strongest, if not only, characteristic. My dad told me that meant I was overly empathetic. I was so young I didn’t truly understand the meaning of empathy or the difference between empathy and sympathy and at the time I recall feeling like he was slamming me for being too soft.

Twenty years later when subjected to the same assessment I don’t think “F” factored into the equation at all. In corporate life I preferred to operate in the ENTP range – settled, logical, always looking forward. I will never forget the day I learned this about myself. Much like the day my dad called me overly empathetic, now I felt like I couldn’t relate to people at all; like I didn’t care one iota about what others were experiencing in their lives. I remember sitting in my shared office with friends and coworkers Robin and David discussing the outcome. The two of them seemed so sensitive and caring compared to my cold, business-like matter-of-factness. I felt like the Grinch with a heart two sizes too small. It hurt.

Thinking on these two occasions in my life, I had to question which of these personality profiles was most like me. Had I changed so much over the course of twenty years? What had caused the upheaval? Does everyone change this dramatically? Was this business, or was this me?

After leaving my cold, career-focused life behind and spending two years at home in an effort to change me, my marriage, raise a healthy daughter, write the great American novel (I could go on and on but you’d go to sleep) I began to see that there is a healthy balance between the two that make me who I am. It took me a while to disengage from the business attitude and adapt to being the new, softer me. Once I did, my emotions were cranked into gear and I became that person who could put herself in just about anybody’s shoes. Though I haven’t quite reached the same point of emotional abandon as my dear friend Robin, who will cry in response to all of the Hallmark commercials (I can only shed tears for a couple of them), I have grown to realize that being empathetic, even overly so, is an amazing gift. It gives me a granite foundation of understanding others, which leads me to have faith in the good in the world, which subsequently leads me to forgiveness – maybe not necessarily in that order.

In recent months, during trying times, I questioned my ability, even my interest, in empathizing with others especially my soon-to-be ex, but ultimately I find sticking to what I know, or just being me, is an okay thing. It’s easier to bear the pain of loss than it is to endure the hatred that ensues after being left behind.

“We must accept life for what it actually is - a challenge to our quality without which we should never know of what stuff we are made, or grow to our full stature.” - Ida R. Wylie

I may be empathetic, much to my wise father’s chagrin, but I make no apologies for the number of times I have uttered the words “I’m sorry” over the years because it’s who I am, and thanks to my unwitting father, I learned it early. Thanks Dad! And thanks to my dear friends, ones like Robin and David, I rediscovered it before it was too late.

Have you ever felt the need to make apologies for who you are? Is there one characteristic or trait you feel more accountable for than another? Join the conversation.

Life in Penned Perspective by Lindy Chaffin Start

www.unstoppablestart.com

Go Ahead...Reject Me!

Yikes!

How many times in our lives do we face debilitating rejection? Mortgage applications, job interviews, manuscript queries, invitations, date nights, play dates – we face each of these stamps of disapproval differently, at least, I do.



Well folks, today I am throwing down the gauntlet! Go ahead…reject me! I dare you.

Reject — vb

1.  to refuse to accept, acknowledge, use, believe, etc

2.  to throw out as useless or worthless; discard

In my infinite wisdom (ha!), I want you to understand one thing about you (because I know you so well). You are the only person who can reject you! Sure, there are countless ways others can reject - refuse to accept, acknowledge, use, believe (Source: Dictionary.com) - you, but in the end, you are the only one that has the power to let another’s rejection hold you back. Today I challenge you to join me in letting go of other’s attempts to dishearten you. I challenge you to abandon rejection and instead see “no” as a call to action. No matter the source, let another’s lack of belief propel you down a better path, a path that gets you closer to who you are. Let go of fear! Practice, practice, practice! And, when all else fails, try, try again!

“I am not afraid…I was born to do this.”

                                                     - Joan of Arc

As a woman I have been rejected by men who think themselves superior, men who believe their opinions, thoughts and feelings are the only ones relevant. To those men I say, “You aren’t worth my energy”; not the energy I could waste fighting back and certainly not the energy I might expel worrying about what you think of me. I am my own person and if you don’t like me for who I am…fine. You are missing out!

“You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.”

                                                                       – Margaret Thatcher

As the mom of a three and a half year old I am constantly faced with rejection. It’s not a kind of rejection, when recognized for being what it truly is, that is painful. Instead, it is the rejection of mommy’s thoughts and opinions, guidance and direction, as my daughter spreads her wings in her first efforts to gain her independence. Every day she grows closer to becoming a girl, not a baby, and nothing could make me more proud, or more eager to receive rejection. Sometimes I have to lock myself in the bathroom and cry, but at least I see it for what it is.  

“What you don’t do can be a destructive force.”

                                                     – Eleanor Roosevelt

As a writer I cannot count the letters written by editors and agents not interested in my current work(s). That’s part of the game. Do I let their current interests and opinions stop me from writing what I love to write? No. Do I let the market’s needs dictate what I am to write about? Heck no! Does this mean I am inflexible and unwilling to change? Absolutely not! What it tells me is that I know who I am and what I am capable of. It tells me that when I query the same project in another three years that someone will pick it up. Their rejection today won’t stop me from believing in myself.

Facing rejection is how we learn from our mistakes, take constructive criticism, identify patterns of behavior in ourselves, and determine who we are and what we want to be when we grow up. So, another’s rejection today won’t stop me from believing in myself.

Sure, support from friends and loved ones, a good laugh and a penis joke shared between friends, and the venting about potty accidents, sleepless nights and embarrassing comments in the grocery store regarding our latest procurement of tampons that accompanies motherhood all help us to overcome it; no doubt. But, if I look in the mirror in the morning and think I can’t face another day of rejection, then I just didn’t learn enough the day before.

Life in Penned Perspective by Lindy Chaffin Start
http://www.unstoppablestart.com/

*****

Shameless marketing for Monday – Read! Comment! Share! And, come back tomorrow and Wednesday for more rejection perspective from Pam Asberry and Megan Stanish.

Healthy Li.P.P.s and Recipes too

It's hard to imagine what in the world I might add to the host of blogs, news reports, articles, and advice you already receive each day that empores you to follow a healthier path. But I truly do believe that we are the masters of our own destinies and we must take charge of our own health and care. The daily grind can rob us of the time that we need to care for ourselves, so adding to that the Martha Stewart approach probably sounds painful. Why not just go to the spa and get a facial? Why not meet with a dietician and work out a new lifestyle plan? I don't know about you, but this slump of an economy we're in doesn't leave me with much extra to spend on trips to the spa or a to a nutritionist. So, here is what my healthy Li.P.P.s want to share with you today:

At the dining table - I don't have to tell you that what you put in your body can affect not only your metabolism, but your mood, your energy level and, helloooo, your health. Here are some ideas for healthy choices.

Breakfast:

There is nothing easier than low fat vanilla yogurt, a handful of granola, and fresh berries. You have all you need in one bowl to fuel you through the morning - whole grains, fruits with natural sugar, and the yogurt cultures for appropriate digestion. Easy peezy.

How about a smoothie? Have you seen those awesome, as-seen-on-tv bullet blenders. I love mine! Pam Asberry, one of my Writers Li.P.P. partners told me one day about freezing peeled bananas to form the icy base for your smoothie. Best tip ever! So take a frozen banana and add your favorites - berries, yogurt, juice, milk, stone fruit - whatever strikes your fancy and crank up the bullet. One of my recent favorites is one frozen banana, enough fresh blueberries to fill in the gaps, and cranberry juice. Antioxidants that keep your pipes working smoothly. Who can beat that?

Let's talk lunch:

Lunch is a killer for me. I always find myself craving what I really don't need, or in a time crunch and unable to do anything healthy. My go-to option...salad.

I love fennel as a salad option. It adds vitamin C, fiber and folate to your meal along with a fresh yet subtle licorice flavor. If you aren't familiar with fennel, it looks like a giant stalk of celery. I like to slice it nice and thin for a salad and one of my favorite combinations is Mediterranian. Blood orange segments, fennel, black olives, olive oil, salt and pepper. Yum! Here's a link to another favorite - Escarole and Fennel Salad with Pears and Gruyère.

Let's not leave out our friendly whole grains. Couscous, barley and quinoa are high in fiber but also add lots of protein to your salad. Not to mention using these healthy grains are a great way to use up the leftover side dish from last night's meal. I especially love quinoa. It's nutty (like me) and a wonderful high protein alternative to starchy old rice. One of my favorite quinoa salad recipes is Quinoa Salad with Vegetables and Tomatillo Vinaigrette.

Edamame is another great add on. It's packed with as much if not more protien than most meat without all the saturated fat. Studies show a diet rich in soy means increased weight loss and a decreased risk of breast cancer. One little green pea with lots of healthy advantages.Why not add it to your salad? Triple Pea Salad With Creamy Tarragon Dressing is one of my favorites.

Alright, there's one last topping worth talking about - seeds. Seeds are a great alternative to nuts. They both have similar amounts of fat and calories, but you get more seeds in two tablespoons so you get more crunch per yummy bite. Seeds offer high levels of zinc, but pumpkin seeds give you more than four grams of iron per serving. A fabulous cancer fighter. This is one I enjoy year round - Roasted Squash Salad with Bacon and Pumpkin Seeds.

Getting out and about - I am not here to lecture you about the benefits of exercise. I shouldn't have to. If you are reading this you are a grown person and can make your own decisions about your lifestyle. At the very least, please take the stairs instead of the elevator. Fair enough?

The do-it-yourself kitchen witch - I am a big believer in taking care of yourself and one easy way to do that is to relax. I love lavender oil for its relaxing qualities. It has been known for centuries to calm frayed nerves. I even took it into the delivery room with me and rubbed it on my temples when struggling with the pain of labor. Now, I use it to take a breather. Taking care of yourself doesn't have to cost a lot of money. Here is a recipe I use for homemade bath salts.

There are lots of recipes for exfoliants, age defyers, face masks, bath salts - anything you need to take care of your skin, your body, your mind, and ultimately your soul - right online. Poke around and see what you can find then come on back and share it with the rest of us.

Life in Penned Perspective by Lindy Chaffin Start
http://www.unstoppablestart.com/
Follow me on Twitter: UnstoppableLCS
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Blogging about being a writer, mom and individual - http://unstoppablestart.blogspot.com/

Visit again tomorrow for Pam's perspective.

Defining Reinvention

re·in·vent (taken from Dictionary.com)

–verb (used with object)

1.  to invent again or anew, especially without knowing that the invention already exists.

2.  to remake or make over, as in a different form: At 60, he reinvented himself as a volunteer. We have an opportunity to reinvent government.

3.  to bring back; revive: to reinvent trust and accountability.

*****

It seems like over the last six or so months all I have talked about is reinventing myself but I’ve done so without bothering to look up the actual definition of the term. It struck me when I did finally look at its meaning how important and relevant each of these is to the human condition; my condition.

Let’s look at item one: to invent again or anew, especially without knowing the invention already exists. How many of us feel lifeless, useless, like there is nothing in us worth knowing or loving to share with the world? I can admit I’ve felt that way quite a bit since I became single *AGAIN*. I often can’t comprehend that I was created as a perfect being just as I am. I am here because the God I choose to believe in wanted me here just the way I am to learn the lessons I was meant to learn, to love, to teach, to share who I am, as I am, with others. Okay, that speaks to what’s inside, but what about what’s out?

Ah, then there’s item two: to remake or make over, as in a different form. Look, every girl deserves a makeover when she’s darn good and ready for one. Do I subscribe to the belief that you should cosmetically change your outward appearance? I do not, but I don’t condemn those who do. I just want to own who I am, take care of myself, and set the best example possible for my daughter. Does that include teaching her that it’s okay to change it up on occasion? Absolutely! Hair grows out, make up colors change with the direction of the wind in Paris, styles come and go with the seasons. A makeover is okay as long as you do it for yourself because you want to and not because someone has been overly critical and left you feeling less than. Got it?

Which brings us finally to item three: to bring back; revive. A good revival never hurt a soul. *laughing – pun intended* The best medicine in most cases, not all  but most, is to get back to our true selves. If I am feeling less than, then I am lost. The only way someone has the power to take me away from me, especially me, is if I give them the power to do so. With everything that happens in our lives, its expected people. We get lost. But please, oh please, don’t stay lost for long. Find yourself.

*sigh*

I found myself today, July 4^th, 2001 - Independence Day - with you. In everything I’ve written I have bared my soul. My sentences might run on, my spacebar sticking leaves me having to read and reread what I’ve written, but in the end I have shared with you who I am. I’ve found myself. I only pray I can do it again next week.

*****

Shameless 4th of July Marketing - Stop by Unstoppable Start tomorrow where it’s all about Talking Girl Talk. And be sure to check back here tomorrow for Pam’s insight, on Wednesday for Megan’s perspective and on Friday for Show and Tell. Stop! Before you go be sure to comment for a chance to win the exclusive WritersLi.P.P. t-shirt, and if you follow you'll be entered twice!

*****

Now, I’m off to find more of me on the beach!