Go Ahead...Reject Me!

Yikes!

How many times in our lives do we face debilitating rejection? Mortgage applications, job interviews, manuscript queries, invitations, date nights, play dates – we face each of these stamps of disapproval differently, at least, I do.



Well folks, today I am throwing down the gauntlet! Go ahead…reject me! I dare you.

Reject — vb

1.  to refuse to accept, acknowledge, use, believe, etc

2.  to throw out as useless or worthless; discard

In my infinite wisdom (ha!), I want you to understand one thing about you (because I know you so well). You are the only person who can reject you! Sure, there are countless ways others can reject - refuse to accept, acknowledge, use, believe (Source: Dictionary.com) - you, but in the end, you are the only one that has the power to let another’s rejection hold you back. Today I challenge you to join me in letting go of other’s attempts to dishearten you. I challenge you to abandon rejection and instead see “no” as a call to action. No matter the source, let another’s lack of belief propel you down a better path, a path that gets you closer to who you are. Let go of fear! Practice, practice, practice! And, when all else fails, try, try again!

“I am not afraid…I was born to do this.”

                                                     - Joan of Arc

As a woman I have been rejected by men who think themselves superior, men who believe their opinions, thoughts and feelings are the only ones relevant. To those men I say, “You aren’t worth my energy”; not the energy I could waste fighting back and certainly not the energy I might expel worrying about what you think of me. I am my own person and if you don’t like me for who I am…fine. You are missing out!

“You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.”

                                                                       – Margaret Thatcher

As the mom of a three and a half year old I am constantly faced with rejection. It’s not a kind of rejection, when recognized for being what it truly is, that is painful. Instead, it is the rejection of mommy’s thoughts and opinions, guidance and direction, as my daughter spreads her wings in her first efforts to gain her independence. Every day she grows closer to becoming a girl, not a baby, and nothing could make me more proud, or more eager to receive rejection. Sometimes I have to lock myself in the bathroom and cry, but at least I see it for what it is.  

“What you don’t do can be a destructive force.”

                                                     – Eleanor Roosevelt

As a writer I cannot count the letters written by editors and agents not interested in my current work(s). That’s part of the game. Do I let their current interests and opinions stop me from writing what I love to write? No. Do I let the market’s needs dictate what I am to write about? Heck no! Does this mean I am inflexible and unwilling to change? Absolutely not! What it tells me is that I know who I am and what I am capable of. It tells me that when I query the same project in another three years that someone will pick it up. Their rejection today won’t stop me from believing in myself.

Facing rejection is how we learn from our mistakes, take constructive criticism, identify patterns of behavior in ourselves, and determine who we are and what we want to be when we grow up. So, another’s rejection today won’t stop me from believing in myself.

Sure, support from friends and loved ones, a good laugh and a penis joke shared between friends, and the venting about potty accidents, sleepless nights and embarrassing comments in the grocery store regarding our latest procurement of tampons that accompanies motherhood all help us to overcome it; no doubt. But, if I look in the mirror in the morning and think I can’t face another day of rejection, then I just didn’t learn enough the day before.

Life in Penned Perspective by Lindy Chaffin Start
http://www.unstoppablestart.com/

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Shameless marketing for Monday – Read! Comment! Share! And, come back tomorrow and Wednesday for more rejection perspective from Pam Asberry and Megan Stanish.

Defining Reinvention

re·in·vent (taken from Dictionary.com)

–verb (used with object)

1.  to invent again or anew, especially without knowing that the invention already exists.

2.  to remake or make over, as in a different form: At 60, he reinvented himself as a volunteer. We have an opportunity to reinvent government.

3.  to bring back; revive: to reinvent trust and accountability.

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It seems like over the last six or so months all I have talked about is reinventing myself but I’ve done so without bothering to look up the actual definition of the term. It struck me when I did finally look at its meaning how important and relevant each of these is to the human condition; my condition.

Let’s look at item one: to invent again or anew, especially without knowing the invention already exists. How many of us feel lifeless, useless, like there is nothing in us worth knowing or loving to share with the world? I can admit I’ve felt that way quite a bit since I became single *AGAIN*. I often can’t comprehend that I was created as a perfect being just as I am. I am here because the God I choose to believe in wanted me here just the way I am to learn the lessons I was meant to learn, to love, to teach, to share who I am, as I am, with others. Okay, that speaks to what’s inside, but what about what’s out?

Ah, then there’s item two: to remake or make over, as in a different form. Look, every girl deserves a makeover when she’s darn good and ready for one. Do I subscribe to the belief that you should cosmetically change your outward appearance? I do not, but I don’t condemn those who do. I just want to own who I am, take care of myself, and set the best example possible for my daughter. Does that include teaching her that it’s okay to change it up on occasion? Absolutely! Hair grows out, make up colors change with the direction of the wind in Paris, styles come and go with the seasons. A makeover is okay as long as you do it for yourself because you want to and not because someone has been overly critical and left you feeling less than. Got it?

Which brings us finally to item three: to bring back; revive. A good revival never hurt a soul. *laughing – pun intended* The best medicine in most cases, not all  but most, is to get back to our true selves. If I am feeling less than, then I am lost. The only way someone has the power to take me away from me, especially me, is if I give them the power to do so. With everything that happens in our lives, its expected people. We get lost. But please, oh please, don’t stay lost for long. Find yourself.

*sigh*

I found myself today, July 4^th, 2001 - Independence Day - with you. In everything I’ve written I have bared my soul. My sentences might run on, my spacebar sticking leaves me having to read and reread what I’ve written, but in the end I have shared with you who I am. I’ve found myself. I only pray I can do it again next week.

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Shameless 4th of July Marketing - Stop by Unstoppable Start tomorrow where it’s all about Talking Girl Talk. And be sure to check back here tomorrow for Pam’s insight, on Wednesday for Megan’s perspective and on Friday for Show and Tell. Stop! Before you go be sure to comment for a chance to win the exclusive WritersLi.P.P. t-shirt, and if you follow you'll be entered twice!

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Now, I’m off to find more of me on the beach!

There's No "I" in Team but There is in Win!

This often used quote by Michael Jordan speaks to the selflessness of belonging – not being afraid to ask for help when you need it, being there for others when they need you. It makes complete sense to see this as a win. How do we build a winning team? It’s simple, ask!

Megan spoke to this in her blog on Tuesday, don’t ignore the new officemate or parent at the pool who sits just on the outskirts of the action, reach out and ask him or her to join you. Build your tribe as Pam referenced in her post on Monday.

There is a part of me that feels a bit like a hypocrite telling you to go out and build your team when it took 35+ years for me to even consider building mine. Not that I didn’t want to be part of something greater, I did. I wanted to step in from the outer edge of the action and join the dance. I wanted a team desperately and didn’t bother to notice that I already had one. It is the sad but true nature of codependency. Codependents throw their entire selves into care giving and forget about their identities, and any existence other than their own. It’s not selfish nor is it selfless; it’s this bizarre limbo that leaves you hanging alone by a tenuous thread in between.

The realization came for me not after my second marriage, but when my daughter was born. I discovered that if I was going to be a success as a mother, I was going to have to have other moms on my team. Not only for the support we give each other through play dates, but when we call each other to scream, cry or celebrate the little joys that come with the growth of our children.

When my third marriage (yep, I said third) came to a close it was my friends and family who were here with wine, food, and extra hands to help. Each of them in his or her own way showed me what it meant to be a true friend and true to oneself. This team of wonderful people also helped me see the walls of codependency surrounding me and helped break them down. Then, they donned the stilettos and helped me stomp away the idea that it has to be this way. These are the accepting folks who I could honestly say this about:

"A good friend will come bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying...'Damn, that was fun!'"

They remind me that survival is key, not only in life, but in love, and that you can't make it alone. You have to do it as a team.

So, when you need your team to join you for a little line-dancing and a good cover song trust they will be there to give you the courage to stand up and dance, and if they don’t come right out and offer, then my friend, don’t be afraid or ashamed to just ask.

Perspective by Lindy Chaffin Start

www.unstoppablestart.com

http://unstoppablestart.blogspot.com

Thank you for visiting us here today at WritersLi.P.P. Be sure to check back on Friday for more Life in Penned Perspective. Remember to comment every day for a chance to win the exclusive WritersLi.P.P. t-shirt in our drawing next Sunday at midnight. Follow this blog for another chance to win. Shamelss marketing for Wednesday - If you like what you read, pass it on!

Teams: Finally Not The Last One Chosen

“I am a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn't have the heart to let him down...”
~ Abraham Lincoln

I find it pretty perfect that my inaugural post has to do with building a support team. You see, throughout my life, I’ve always considered myself timid and just left of introverted, a bit of a loner with a few tight friends. I’m the girl at the party who’s not right in the mix of things… not over in a corner, but sort of on the edge of the action observing and enjoying from a slight distance. I’m the one who, back in elementary school, wasn’t either liked or disliked really but definitely was one of the last chosen for kickball or dodgeball. I’m not an uber-confident go-getter, not the kind of professional phenom who can work a room and network like a goddess-on-parquet-flooring.  

And yet, in recent years, just about every major event along my twisty career path has happened due to some amazing people who have come into my life through work, people who have put themselves out there to support me in whatever crazy thing I wanted or needed to do. So I guess that means that somewhere along the way I stopped just observing, stopped waiting to be picked and started simply being “part of,” and I didn’t even know it.

Let me take a step back and introduce myself. I’m the Megan part of Li.P.P. Clearly, I’m a latecomer, as my initial didn’t make the acronym. Either that or Li.M.P. was voted down as not quite as appealing as Li.P.P. You decide which version of that story you prefer.

I’m a working mother of two tiny people who have both the audacity and the grace to have minds of their own. My husband is a very patient person, which allows me to let my spirit be a little freer than it might be otherwise, though my husband probably wishes I would focus some of that spirit more regularly toward dusting or vacuuming. He flat out believes that I am insane when it comes to my love of running; his theory is that one should run after something, not aimlessly or just because you can.

When it comes to building a support team, people who can rally around each other and be there for each other, my husband has the personality to be successful, not I. He’s the one who gravitates to the man or woman at a get-together who seems least at ease, and he makes it his mission to make that person feel comfortable, included and special. This is not my forté.

However, somewhere along the way, I must have done something right – earned a Karmic merit badge of some kind – that led fate to put amazing people in my path.

·         The one who called me patiently and consistently during the eight doomed months I attempted in vain to be an at-home mother (at-home mothers deserve medals and annuities and free daily massages and nightly doses of wine and a continuous infusion of chocolate, courtesy of us all, no joke) to encourage me to come work with him and his team.

·         The one who helped me find focus and the ones who sent incredible application statements on my behalf when I started to pursue teaching.*

·         The one who kept me sane and on solid ground during some dark hours in a job that finally beat me, something that I didn’t think could happen.

·         The ones who to this day tell me that I’m valued and valuable – both at work and in life – at the most random and perfect and critical times.

There are so many “the ones” stories that I could share. Of all of this, I hope you get two important takeaways:

·         First, take a moment and consider who your professional support team is. Have them in your head? Now how about your friends? Alrighty then, ready? Now squish them together into a big jumble. THAT, my friends, is your true professional support system. Of course, this is way oversimplified. The point I’m trying to make is that most of the times I’ve leaned on this professional support team of mine, everyone I’ve called upon has also lived in my mental realm of “friend.” It’s possible – these days almost probable – that these groups in your life overlap. Sure, there are situations that require boundaries, but don’t box yourself in too much. Allow your friends to support you with work stuff, and show them support back. Show interest in what they do for a living and let them learn something about what you do. Same with workmates. Where appropriate – do I have to post links to what I mean by this, or may I trust us to be adults? – open up and be the real you, not just You-In-Your-Job. The friends you make at work may turn out to be your friends for a very long time, perhaps even long after you are no longer workmates.

·         Second, and this is most important so listen up… ready?... when you see the new kid at work standing off in the corner observing the goings-on, the one who possibly is too timid still to get into the action, be sure to pick her for your kickball team. And not last. It’ll pay off, I promise.

"I get by with a little help from my friends."
~ The Beatles

Author: Megan Stanish

http://aboutthesame.blogspot.com

* It’s a long story, but I halted the Master’s in Teaching program after my first semester, even though I loved it and earned straight As. Long story for another time, but suffice it to say this is still an ardent dream of mine.

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Thank you for visiting us here today at Writers Li.P.P. Be sure to check back tomorrow for Lindy’s insights! And remember to comment every day for a chance to win an exclusive Writers Li.P.P. t-shirt in our drawing next Sunday at midnight. Follow this blog for another chance to win.