Wednesday, June 29, 2011
This often used quote by Michael Jordan speaks to the selflessness of belonging – not being afraid to ask for help when you need it, being there for others when they need you. It makes complete sense to see this as a win. How do we build a winning team? It’s simple, ask!
Megan spoke to this in her blog on Tuesday, don’t ignore the new officemate or parent at the pool who sits just on the outskirts of the action, reach out and ask him or her to join you. Build your tribe as Pam referenced in her post on Monday.
There is a part of me that feels a bit like a hypocrite telling you to go out and build your team when it took 35+ years for me to even consider building mine. Not that I didn’t want to be part of something greater, I did. I wanted to step in from the outer edge of the action and join the dance. I wanted a team desperately and didn’t bother to notice that I already had one. It is the sad but true nature of codependency. Codependents throw their entire selves into care giving and forget about their identities, and any existence other than their own. It’s not selfish nor is it selfless; it’s this bizarre limbo that leaves you hanging alone by a tenuous thread in between.
The realization came for me not after my second marriage, but when my daughter was born. I discovered that if I was going to be a success as a mother, I was going to have to have other moms on my team. Not only for the support we give each other through play dates, but when we call each other to scream, cry or celebrate the little joys that come with the growth of our children.
When my third marriage (yep, I said third) came to a close it was my friends and family who were here with wine, food, and extra hands to help. Each of them in his or her own way showed me what it meant to be a true friend and true to oneself. This team of wonderful people also helped me see the walls of codependency surrounding me and helped break them down. Then, they donned the stilettos and helped me stomp away the idea that it has to be this way. These are the accepting folks who I could honestly say this about:
"A good friend will come bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying...'Damn, that was fun!'"
They remind me that survival is key, not only in life, but in love, and that you can't make it alone. You have to do it as a team.
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