This often used quote by Michael Jordan speaks to the selflessness of belonging – not being afraid to ask for help when you need it, being there for others when they need you. It makes complete sense to see this as a win. How do we build a winning team? It’s simple, ask!
Megan spoke to this in her blog on Tuesday, don’t ignore the new officemate or parent at the pool who sits just on the outskirts of the action, reach out and ask him or her to join you. Build your tribe as Pam referenced in her post on Monday.
There is a part of me that feels a bit like a hypocrite telling you to go out and build your team when it took 35+ years for me to even consider building mine. Not that I didn’t want to be part of something greater, I did. I wanted to step in from the outer edge of the action and join the dance. I wanted a team desperately and didn’t bother to notice that I already had one. It is the sad but true nature of codependency. Codependents throw their entire selves into care giving and forget about their identities, and any existence other than their own. It’s not selfish nor is it selfless; it’s this bizarre limbo that leaves you hanging alone by a tenuous thread in between.
The realization came for me not after my second marriage, but when my daughter was born. I discovered that if I was going to be a success as a mother, I was going to have to have other moms on my team. Not only for the support we give each other through play dates, but when we call each other to scream, cry or celebrate the little joys that come with the growth of our children.
When my third marriage (yep, I said third) came to a close it was my friends and family who were here with wine, food, and extra hands to help. Each of them in his or her own way showed me what it meant to be a true friend and true to oneself. This team of wonderful people also helped me see the walls of codependency surrounding me and helped break them down. Then, they donned the stilettos and helped me stomp away the idea that it has to be this way. These are the accepting folks who I could honestly say this about:
They remind me that survival is key, not only in life, but in love, and that you can't make it alone. You have to do it as a team.
So, when you need your team to join you for a little line-dancing and a good cover song trust they will be there to give you the courage to stand up and dance, and if they don’t come right out and offer, then my friend, don’t be afraid or ashamed to just ask.
Perspective by Lindy Chaffin Start
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6 comments:
Excellent post, Lindy! Asking for help or for support from my "team" is the hardest thing for me, too. But the amazing thing is that those who really care are often ACHING to be asked! Love you, my friend.
Well said, Lindy! And while I will do whatever it takes to make sure my kids have what they need, I still have a terrible time asking for help when I need something personally. It's something I need to work on. But you know you can call me ANYTIME, right? Loved the video, too - thanks for making me smile this morning!
Megan, why is it that asking is so hard? Why do some of us end up unable to ask for help? And, yes, I recently had this conversation with someone from church, if I would have known there was a need I would have been happy to help, but no one asked. There you go. Thanks for being on my team. Smooches. - Lindy
Thanks Pam. That's a fave of mine and it brings a smile to my face each time I watch it. Glad I could bring one to yours too. It's so selfless to me when I see other moms ask for things, or help, for their kids. I applaud you for being such a wonderful mother, but I also know that it takes taking care of yourself in order to take care of others. We've had that conversation, oh I don't know, fifty times in both directions. I'm glad I have you on my shoulder to remind me of what's important. Thanks. XOXO. - Lindy
I have a hard time asking too. It's about pride and not wanting to feel like you're the biggest loser in the world. It's easy to say to others, "Hey, I'm here for you," but much harder taking them up when they offer the same in return. I think we subconsciously view accepting help as a sign of our own weakness, when in reality, it's nothing of the sort. Man, sometimes just living from day to day is hard.
Hey Kendall. I feel you on all counts. It is certainly a pride issue, or has been for me. In a lot of respects it still is, but like Meg said, people are often ready and willing to help so why not ask. I am so grateful for the friendships that have grown or been strengthened out of necessity. Speaking of, thanks for your support. I count on having you as a friend before too long. :-) - Lindy
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