Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Fickle or Faithful?

From the Merriam-Webster free online dictionary:

fickle - adjective - marked by lack of steadfastness, constancy or stability; given to erratic changeableness.

In yesterday's post, my blog parter Lindy described herself as "likely to change especially due to irresolution or instability." I take issue with that assertion. I have known the Unstoppable Mrs. Start for some time now, and there is nothing irresolute or unstable about her.

Granted, we must adapt to the rapidly changing world around us in order to survive. But that doesn't make us fickle. I like this definition from Wiktionary even better:

fickle - adjective - quick to change one's opinion or allegiance; insincere; not loyal or reliable.

That DEFINITELY doesn't describe most of the amazing women I know. As a matter of fact, I can think of countless times have I been loyal to a fault. Remained on a committee that I no longer felt passionate about because I feared conflict. Stayed beside a friend who did not nurture me - who in fact sucked the lifeblood out of me - because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Stayed in a relationship that was unsatisfactory - or worse, abusive - because I feared being alone.

Life is short, my friends. We deserve better.

Every breath we take could be our last. Every moment matters. Yes, it's hard, but sometimes the greatest kindness we can show ourselves is to simply say the word "no."

It gets easier with practice.

I have learned that I CAN be replaced on a committee, that the old friends will make new friends, that my next great love might be waiting right around the corner. That doesn't make me fickle; that makes me constant - at least to myself. And that is true integrity.


integrity - noun - the state of being whole, entire or undiminished

To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.
~ William Shakespeare, Hamlet

What do you think? Is being fickle a virtue or a vice? Have you ever been loyal to a fault?

Author: Pam Asberry


Julee J. Adams said...

You are not quick to change your opinion, you are thoughtful.

You are not fickle, you are loyal to a fault.

You are just now coming into your own and we're proud of you.

From a faithful friend.

Pam Asberry said...

Thanks, Julee. And finally I am learning not only to be true to others, but to be true to myself.

Denise said...

I'm going to repeat myself...Fickle is what you are called by the person who doesn't like the fact that you're not doing what they want you to do.

People who love us and value us will support us when we have to change and they would never say we were fickle.

Pam Asberry said...

Well said, Denise. It's a fine line, isn't it?